As Eric and I consider moving to a different city, I have been ruminating about what jobs I should apply for and what work I would enjoy. The fact that I don’t know is particularly frustrating because I rushed through high school in three years and through college in three and half years just so I could hurry up and be an adult already. I longed for the stability of a nine-to-five job with a steady income and a 401K. I anticipated the days when I would not have to study every evening and could instead come home from work to no obligations. Now that I have arrived, I find myself jumping from one career to another with no direction. Following is a list of the work I have done since I graduated from college only two years ago:
Worked for the Virginia Department of Housing and Community Development doing data entry and creating spreadsheets, not nearly affecting as much change in communities as I had hoped.
Learned how to start a business in Chesterfield County, completing an outrageous amount of tax forms and license applications just so that my dad and I could build a house. Over two years later, we still haven’t built a house due to circumstances not in my control.
Designed master plans for private secondary schools, traveling to Jackson, Mississippi and Birmingham, Alabama and becoming proficient in AutoCAD and Adobe Photoshop. I thought that I would work here forever – until I decided that I want to be a programmer.
Returned to my parents’ company (the third time that I have been on their payroll) to draft window details in CAD and improve their computer system to gain programming experience. After three months, I still have not done much programming. But the commute isn’t bad and I get to meet Eric for lunch most days.
Despite the variety of these jobs, they start to feel stale after a few months and now just make me feel meh. Ultimately, I dream of a different career every week. These are a few of the other jobs I have considered:
Train engineer
Airplane pilot
Bus driver (I guess I have a thing for transportation)
Math teacher
Math textbook editor
Magazine editor
Technical writer
Video game level designer
Video game tester (because I am very thorough and always find all the wang)
Professional blogger
Maid at the Windsor Castle
Mailman
Tea cafe owner
Barista
Farmer
Architect
Filmmaker
I am not even kidding.
Last week, I decided not to go back to VCU to pursue a second baccalaureate degree in computer science after all. I became anxious when I realized that I would not be able to work full-time while attending school and retain the stability and predictable schedule that I have accustomed myself to. Plus, I already have one degree and that is more than enough degrees for a person to have if said person just wants to move to Mexico and build a house on the beach.
There is this thing that I do when I am exposed to social interaction. Eric calls it the Bill Gate’s Rock. Essentially, I rock back and forth in my seat and I don’t even realize that I’m doing it. One night when my family was visiting, I was sitting on the coffee table and talking to my sister when Eric interrupted, “Hey Lauren, do you like Microsoft?” I immediately stopped rocking and stared at him, dumbfounded.
Me: Wha-huh? Eric: You must really like Microsoft because you’re doing the Bill Gate’s Rock again! My Mom: I don’t see anything unusual. She’s always been like this!
Oh, the humility.
Eric always says, “It’s okay, I’m an ass burger too.” Apparently, he and I both exhibit symptoms of Asperger Syndrome. As I studied the Wikipedia article, focusing on the section that outlines the characteristics of individuals affected by Asperger Syndrome, I realized that I was highlighting nearly every paragraph. To elaborate:
“Symptoms may include a failure to develop friendships or enjoy spontaneous interests or achievements with others, lack of demonstrated empathy, and impaired non-verbal behaviors such as eye contact, facial expression, posture and gesture.”
I refuse to return phone calls, I consider friendship to be frivolous, and I exhibit awkward posture and gait, often appearing uncomfortable in my own skin.
“They approach others, even if awkwardly, for example by engaging in a one-sided, long-winded speech about an unusual topic while being oblivious to the listener’s feelings or reactions, such as signs of boredom or wanting to leave.”
Eric would say that I don’t talk enough, but I find it difficult to stop talking once I start. I once was told that people are capable of talking for hours about a specific subject if they are passionate about it. This is true. If anybody mentions maps, for example, or Mexico, I will tell you everything that I know about it. Perhaps it is a way for me to prove, “Hey! I know stuff!”
“This failure to react appropriately to social interaction may appear as disregard for other people’s feelings, and may come across as insensitive.”
My mom used to tell me that people thought that I didn’t like them because I would not actively pursue conversation, instead sitting alone with my arms crossed, avoiding eye contact. Really, I was just shy and didn’t have enough self confidence to interact with other people.
“Childhood desires for companionship can be numbed through a history of failed social encounters.”
I had some bossy friends when I was younger. Does that count? And I was an only child until I was eight years old, so that probably made me a little weird.
“They may show inflexible adherence to routines or rituals, move in stereotyped and repetitive ways, or preoccupy themselves with parts of objects.”
So, there is that whole rocking back and forth thing, but I also cannot resist clicking the end of a clicky pen. Seriously, I annoy myself.
“Pursuit of specific and narrow areas of interest is one of the most striking features of AS. Individuals with AS may collect volumes of detailed information on a relatively narrow topic such as dinosaurs or deep fat fryers, without necessarily having genuine understanding of the broader topic.”
Earlier this year, just before Queen Elizabeth visited my city, I wondered how much political influence she retained. I became intrigued with her life after reading just the first paragraphs of her Wikipedia article and spent the entire weekend learning about her. I was so obsessed that I used a safety pin to fasten a blanket around my neck like a cape and proclaimed to Eric that I was the Queen of England. Not. Normal.
As another example, I have become obsessed with aviation accidents during the past few weeks. I obtained data from the National Transportation Safety Board of every aviation accident with fatalities since 1962 and intend to make a map of the data.
“Abnormalities include verbosity; abrupt transitions; literal interpretations and miscomprehension of nuance; use of metaphor meaningful only to the speaker; auditory perception deficits; unusually pedantic, formal or idiosyncratic speech; and oddities in loudness, pitch, intonation, prosody, and rhythm.”
I attempt to speak and write in a formulaic manner, often sacrificing clarity for grammatical correctness. I am a natural editor.
Have you ever seen the episode of Scrubs where the Janitor goes to Career Day and pretends that he is Dr. Jan Itor? Here:
Well, me? I am Mrs. Ed Itor.
“Individuals with AS appear to have particular weaknesses in areas of nonliteral language that include humor, irony, and teasing.”
I don’t understand metaphors or sarcasm and wish that Eric would start carrying a sarcasm sign like Leonard in The Big Bang Theory.
“They may be poorly coordinated, or have an odd or bouncy gait or posture, poor handwriting, or problems with visual-motor integration, visual-perceptual skills, and conceptual learning. They may show problems with proprioception (sensation of body position) on measures of apraxia (motor planning disorder), balance, tandem gait, and finger-thumb apposition.”
Regardless of how slow I write, my handwriting is always too sloppy for my satisfaction. When I was in school, I would spend hours rewriting notes just because a “t” was crossed crooked or because one letter touched another. As for balance, coordination, and perception… I walk into furniture or door jambs at least once a week.
“They may be unusually sensitive or insensitive to sound, light, touch, texture, taste, smell, pain, temperature, and other stimuli.”
I have an intimacy problem and couldn’t even hug my own mother for a few years. I’m okay now, though.
On the bright side, “(While) the deficits associated with AS may be debilitating, many individuals are able to excel, especially in areas that are less dependent on social interaction, including mathematics, music, and computer sciences.”
I went to math camp when I was in middle school and enrolled as a mathematics major when I began college, I took piano lessons when I was in elementary school and played the flute when I was in middle school and high school, even participating in marching band, and I am returning to college next month to pursue a second baccalaureate degree in computer science. (with a minor in mathematics)
It should be noted that Asperger Syndrome is not a disability, it is a difference. I like the way I am.
Eat more fruit and vegetables. Eat less meat and cheese.
Drink more tea. Drink less coffee.
Drink more wine. Drink less beer.
Write more blog posts. Delete fewer blog posts.
Exercise more.
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Lauren Newman lives in Richmond, Virginia. She majored in urban planning, married her high school sweetheart, and dreams about moving to Mexico. More »
